Hiding in Games
Must watch!
In October 2013 I wrote a post called The Console (as my consolation) and lightly touched on gender inequality in games and the proliferation of dumb women characters. That uneven balance has left me wanting more at times but overall has not stopped my love of gaming. I'm currently spending many nights on line with COD: Advanced Warfare
In the fall of last year the news world started covering #gamergate. To get yourself up to speed check out this VOX article explaining the basics and providing a who's who of the debate.
Although at the time I wasn't aware of the finer details of the story I was sickened to hear and read the amount of harassment that Anita Sarkeesian & Brianna Wu, (two of the more public faces of the story) were receiving. Ridiculous. Appalling. If you want to know how far the harassment has gone just google it.
I've been so far removed from academics that when I finally started watching Anita Sarkeesian's Feminist Frequency YouTube series it made absolute sense. I love watching Anita's videos and they are reminiscent of my own peers in university who applied critical thinking to all forms of media, academically studied pop culture and did dissertations on things like Veronica Mars (well my friend's thesis was actually on the "female detective"-with Veronica Mars providing a lot of the foundation).
Anita's videos are insightful, well-researched and eye-opening. She has often provided language to explain things I hadn't been able to express myself. I have some gaming habits that I developed to protect me as a female gamer, but never critically thought about them. My online presence was as follows:
When I created my online female soldier for the most recent COD installment, I initially kept her completely covered. I wanted to be a female soldier, but I didn't want others to see that. I am now aware that I did this and have since kept her without a helmet and sunglasses. She is recognizably
female.
Why would I have to disguise my female character? I've had some online matches where other players have specifically ganged up on me to eliminate me-could it be because I'm having a shitty match or is it because I'm easily recognizable as a female soldier? We will probably never know. Don't misunderstand my capabilities either- for every shitty match I've played I also have had many outstanding ones. There is a sweet satisfaction of completing an online match as the number one player-But I can't trash-talk (which was the next habit I never really thought about)
I can't trash-talk because of the flurry of hate that will come my way based on my gender-not my gaming. My headset has stayed off for 4 years, as I'm all too aware that if I open my mouth and say anything, even "good match", I will be bombarded with demeaning comments, insults and harassment because I'm a woman. I know this because I have heard it happen to other online female players, and in my early xbox years with my headset a fun match quickly spiralled into numerous verbal attacks, sometimes going too far. In a couple matches as soon as they heard my female voice, all conversation was directed to me and no longer about gameplay.-no it was personal. So I just don't engage, and at times I'd really like to, whether it be to have a laugh, to brag, to complain, ask a question, feel like part of the team but I don't. I can't talk online- it will draw attention to myself.
I don't respond to any messages I'm sent in xbox live. I don't know if people are being sincere when they strike up conversation, nor do I know what type of response they are trying to illicit when they send me insulting messages. So I ignore those as well.
Reading this post can you imagine a man having to develop these habits? Need to rewatch the video?
As this is an ongoing process for me and I'm still unravelling my own habits, I can't say how much I will change. Will I ever pick up that headset again?
It is awesome and feels very natural that with all of our discussions on gender equality in movies, television & music we are now bringing it to gaming. I see more and more female soldiers in the COD: Advanced Warfare online matches and it makes me hopeful. Maybe someday I will walk into EB games and the shelves will be lined equally with male and female protagonists. The choice would be nice to have. Maybe then I can get online that night and talk about it too.
find me on xbox at TENM31
It is not right that you should be worried about what your "profile" would look like or commenting or participating in conversations or any backlash that you could get as a result-it is crazy!
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