I have too much free time, so let's talk about too much free time
If you were given unlimited free time and you did not have to worry about bills, or making an income-would you be able to complete all of the things you always said you would do if you had free time?
Is there such a thing as too much free time?
I had my first job when I was 15 years old and have worked in some capacity my whole life. The first time I didn't work was from May 2006 to July 2006; a 3 month period when I had returned home from Okinawa and was taking my time re-acclimatizing to Canada.
This is the second time in my life I have not been employed. As of September 6th this year, I've had oodles of free time and what have I done? Absolutely nothing. I am not tied to any schedule or routine. I can do what I want when I want to. If I don't want to get out of my pajamas I don't have to. I eat what I want, watch what I want and sleep when I want.
It has been the hardest 2 months of my entire life.
I'm not joking.
First, let's delve into my actual physical surroundings. I live one hour away from the nearest town. I live 30 minutes away from a gas station. This is a quarter of the entire dirt road I have to drive to leave my new house....
I have to drive 16 km on that road to reach any sort of civilization, or human dwelling. Here's the thing, it's beautiful. It's so beautiful ....
That is what I wake up to. This is right outside my front door; spectacular pink and purple sunrises. I am getting off topic, back to the issue of procrastination and free time.
Have you ever heard of NaNoWriMo? I heard of this event a few years ago and the first year I participated I was successful in reaching the 50,000 word count goal in a month. That was when I was working full-time; I worked 10 hour days the entire month and yet I still completed the objective. Here we are on November 7th, and my word count is at zero. How can this be? I'm not sleeping in, on average I'm waking up between 6:30am and 7:30am. Where are my days going? And why can I not set out to do what I want to?
I think the answer is fear. I finally have all the resources I need to expand my writing portfolio, to let loose creatively, and yet I refuse to. I think it all boils down to fear of not being good enough. Who am I to try and write something substantial at my age?
I feel like there was an incident or something in life that caused this lack of confidence, but I have no idea what that instance was. I was a confident child, an overachiever, gifted in some areas, academically ahead of my peers in English comprehension studies, vocabulary and spelling. What happened? Why can't I write with the reckless abandon that I used to as a young girl, as a teenager and even as a university student? Where did it go?
I didn't plan on this post being so whiny, however, the isolation has led me to wonder about a lot of things, this being the biggest one.
Do we only accomplish great feats when we are restricted with time? When the deadlines or shortage of hours force us to create?
Is there such a thing as too much free-time?
How do you combat procrastination when the only person holding you accountable is yourself?
Is there such a thing as too much free time?
I had my first job when I was 15 years old and have worked in some capacity my whole life. The first time I didn't work was from May 2006 to July 2006; a 3 month period when I had returned home from Okinawa and was taking my time re-acclimatizing to Canada.
This is the second time in my life I have not been employed. As of September 6th this year, I've had oodles of free time and what have I done? Absolutely nothing. I am not tied to any schedule or routine. I can do what I want when I want to. If I don't want to get out of my pajamas I don't have to. I eat what I want, watch what I want and sleep when I want.
It has been the hardest 2 months of my entire life.
I'm not joking.
First, let's delve into my actual physical surroundings. I live one hour away from the nearest town. I live 30 minutes away from a gas station. This is a quarter of the entire dirt road I have to drive to leave my new house....
Have you ever heard of NaNoWriMo? I heard of this event a few years ago and the first year I participated I was successful in reaching the 50,000 word count goal in a month. That was when I was working full-time; I worked 10 hour days the entire month and yet I still completed the objective. Here we are on November 7th, and my word count is at zero. How can this be? I'm not sleeping in, on average I'm waking up between 6:30am and 7:30am. Where are my days going? And why can I not set out to do what I want to?
I think the answer is fear. I finally have all the resources I need to expand my writing portfolio, to let loose creatively, and yet I refuse to. I think it all boils down to fear of not being good enough. Who am I to try and write something substantial at my age?
I feel like there was an incident or something in life that caused this lack of confidence, but I have no idea what that instance was. I was a confident child, an overachiever, gifted in some areas, academically ahead of my peers in English comprehension studies, vocabulary and spelling. What happened? Why can't I write with the reckless abandon that I used to as a young girl, as a teenager and even as a university student? Where did it go?
I didn't plan on this post being so whiny, however, the isolation has led me to wonder about a lot of things, this being the biggest one.
Do we only accomplish great feats when we are restricted with time? When the deadlines or shortage of hours force us to create?
Is there such a thing as too much free-time?
How do you combat procrastination when the only person holding you accountable is yourself?
Thanks so much for sharing this blog with me. You're a wonderful writer, and I can identify so, so much with everything you're saying in this. I just passed my 1 year anniversary of joblessness. Like you, I was wonder-woman for years, working, writing, go-go-going. After I quit, it was tough going from 100 emails a day to zero, and I felt so isolated and unneeded. I still wake up wondering what day it is. But, give yourself some time to adjust. Perhaps it's not so much fear stopping you as that you need this time to soak in something. Regain your mental strength. See something you wouldn't have noticed before. You were a jumbo jet flying nonstop from here to there, and now you've stopped in this idyllic, isolated place to refuel.
ReplyDeleteI no longer buy into the idea that we are only productive when we are producing. Noticing the beauty around us, giving voice to thoughts and ideas, and pushing love out into the world is just as important to the spinning of the earth as anything.
Susan, such a lovely uplifting message! It comforts me to hear you had a similar experience, and I laughed out loud when you mentioned "I still wake up wondering what day it is"; that has been happening to me and sometimes Kevin and I laugh about it and it's liberating, that I have no concept of what day of the week it is. There was an incident recently where I forgot a very important date for a friend, as I had no idea what the actual date was and ended up reaching out to her a day too late, so that part sucked....but I ramble. Ok enough writing here, I'm off to tackle one hour of Nano writing. Thanks, and I'll join that group on Scrib soon too.
ReplyDeleteSoooo glad you are back with your blog!!!! You are still adjusting to the move love and give yourself some time as well yes that is what you have right now. As we know the creative inspirations and well a lot of things cannot be forced. The writing will all flow and you getting back to the blog is an amazing start!!! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Meg! We haven't had a chance to talk as much as we'd like, mainly due to the crappy cell signal out here. Thanks for your love and support.
DeleteToo much free time exists. Working since 15? I finally read your blog!!!!!
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ReplyDeleteYou got it matt! First job at joggers got it before I had my drivers license mum and dad had to drive me the first couple of months! Thanks for reading bro. I like your support!
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